Enemies of El Guapo


Dakota vs. El Guapo
Jan. 18, 2007

A running dog that resembles a wolf.
Dakota—the wolfdog who lives next door.

“In this corner, weighing in at over 85 pounds, the Heavy Weight Champion of the entire neighborhood, Dakota—the Wolfdog! And in the opposing corner, weighing in at eight pounds, eight ounces, tonight’s challenger, El Guapo—the Chihuahua!”

I took El Guapo outside for his final outing of the night, and secured him to a chain in the front yard. I went back into the house and only moments later I heard his high-pitched squealing and snarling, and the lower-pitched snarling of a much bigger dog. The big dog was making that vicious attacking noise that dogs make when they’re repeatedly biting as rapidly as they can. As I said, El Guapo was squealing from the mauling, but amazingly I could discern that he was attempting to get in an occasional bite of his own.

I ran outside and saw Dakota, an Alaskan Malmute, chewing on the little dog. He is a neighboring dog once thought to be El Guapo’s friend. El Guapo has escaped to visit him a few times, and Dakota always seemed happy for the visit. Tonight it was Dakota that was loose.

As soon as the wolfdog saw me approaching, he fled into the night. I carefully unchained El Guapo, and as I lifted him into my arms, he uttered a slight yip. He was shaking as only a Chihuahua can. I moved him into the house and straightway into a bathroom where the lights are bright to examine him.

I found nothing: nothing whatsoever. No rips; no punctures; no wounds; no blood; no broken bones—nothing. He was still vigorously shaking as I set him down on the floor, and after a bit he began licking his nonexistent wounds. He spent another fifteen minutes hiding under a bed, but soon he was his old self again.

I suppose the wolfdog was just showing El Guapo who was boss. One real bite from that dog would have put El Guapo in his grave; as far as I can tell, El Guapo’s not even sore from bruising.

El Guapo insisted that Dakota be moved from the Friends page to the Enemies page.

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A close-up of a fuzzy, white dog with tongue hanging out.
Cousin Nicky—the happy dog who loves everybody. No one knows why, but Nicky loathes even the site of El Guapo. (El Guapo—what did you do?) Nicky and El Guapo share the same mother who abandoned them both.
A close-up of an excited golden poodle.
Cousin Jack—a poodle the size of a small horse.
A close-up of Booboo's face.
Cousin Booboo—the dog who hates everybody. She knows how to blow her nose into a tissue.
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